


don’t think i don’t think about it

by astralnoon



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Regret, Reminiscing, bit of a short one but i’ve been in my feels, tbh? i don’t think i’ll ever stop mourning them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralnoon/pseuds/astralnoon
Summary: December 31st; one year since everything ended.
Relationships: Aleksandr Vitalyevich Marchant/James Richard Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	don’t think i don’t think about it

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I threw together in honor of one year since the last video. I still can’t believe it’s been this long but the memories I have from the group still glow strongly in my mind <3
> 
> (Title is derived by the song of the same name by Darius Rucker!)

December 31st; one year since everything ended. 

While James had not been there to physically see the end for himself he’d be lying if he said he didn’t watch those last few videos as they went up. The chill, solemn tones in the last week fit the mood of the ending so perfectly that he had to silently commend Aleks for it… he just wishes he could tell him that. 

He also wishes he had told Aleks one last goodbye before leaving LA for Portland, but alas Aleks had gone out of town for RTX the day that James would leave; to this day it’s one of his biggest regrets. 

James knows that when we make choices that we have to live with them, but way too often does he wish that he didn’t have to live with the choices he made in 2019; if he were able to he’d rip his head open and forcibly remove all memory of that time so he’d stop thinking about it, even if it only allowed for a day or so of peace. But then Aleks would be suffering with the pain of those choices alone and that would hurt James much worse than the memories, so he allows himself to feel the pain while remembering (or at the very least hoping) that the day will come that it’ll no longer hurt. Aleks probably thinks that James could care less about how things ended for them, that James never thinks about Cow Chop, The Creatures, their once iconic friendship. James wishes that were the case because it would have saved over a year and a half of regrets and depression. He wishes he could go back to that ill-fated January day and stop himself from going down the skateboard ramp the second time, not only saving his ankle but hopefully also his relationship with Aleks; they’d probably at least still still be on talking terms even if they’d still end up in different cities in the end. 

Sometimes he contemplates messaging Aleks asking him if he’d like to call and catch up on things, but James knows he’d never hear an answer back. Sometimes James even thinks about driving down to Denver and searching for him, confronting him face to face and apologizing profusely for treating him so badly; to throw his arms around Aleks as tightly as possible and never let go of him, maybe even ask if he wants to reboot their old group and Aleks eagerly says yes, and they move back to LA together and return to that dusty warehouse and continue on as though nothing had ever happened… but James knows that that's too wishful to even consider. 

James has never been much for vodka but on this day, he’ll down a couple of shots in honor of his old friend; as the liquid goes down his throat he’ll think back on the first day Aleks walked into the Creature office, laughter filled streams that went long into the night, renting a house together, and of course… the day they walked out together to start their own creation; James is certain he’ll never be able to see cows in the same way ever again, only being able to think of stained couches and dusty warehouses whenever he drives by a field of them. James just hopes that wherever Aleks is at in Denver, he thinks of him as well; maybe one day fate will allow them to cross paths again and they can start over. He’ll be sure to not let him slip away that time. 

~

What James doesn’t know is that somewhere in Denver, his old friend has similar thoughts and wishes.


End file.
